A Few Quotes on Beer "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks." - Joe E. Lewis "Beer he drank - seven goblets. His spirit was loosened. He became hilarious. His heart was glad and his face shown." - from the Epic of Gilgamesh, 3000 B.C. "Advertised as the 'champagne of beers', but that's much too frou-frou. I like 'carbonated butter'. Miller High Life is big slabs of deer meat on a toasted roll. It's dirty fingernails scooping out pumpkin pie. It makes even the most sterile suburbanite feel like a Teamster. It's outstanding." From The Big 'Ol Black Table Beer Run "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart "There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better." - Stephen Morris "Beer will get you through time of no money better than money will get you through times of no beer." - Freddie Freak "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry "I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink." - Richard Burton Note Bene: After being forced to drop out of the touring production of "Camelot" in April 1981 in order to undergo major spinal surgery Burton's entire spinal column was found to be coated in crystallized alcohol. "Well I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beer." - Jim Morrison (The Doors) "Smithers, this beer isn’t working. I don’t feel any younger or funkier." - Mr. Burns of Simpsons "...there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer." -Peter Richmond "After drinking four Martinis, my husband turns into a disgusting beast. And after the fifth, I pass out altogether." - Anonymous “Beer…. a high and mighty liquor.” - Julius Caesar "We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink" - Epicurus "Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution" –Queen Victoria "The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer" - Ancient Egyptian Wisdom "Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer." - Arnold Schwarzenegger "Sir, you’re drunk!" Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Lady Astor and Winston Churchill "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson "On victory, you deserve beer. In defeat, you need it." - Napoleon "You know what 'SOBER' stands for? It stands for: Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real!" - Gary Busey "A little bit of beer is divine medicine." - Paracelsus, Renaissance physician, botanist, alchemist, astrologer, and general occultist "Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow" - Cicero "Beer has food value, but food has no beer value." - Anon “History flows forward on rivers of beer.” Anonymous "When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer." - Dave Barry "A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience - except that it is soluble in alcohol." - Thomas Blackburn "I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep." - George Best "No free woman should be allowed any more than one maid to follow her, unless she was drunk." -Zaleucus, 7th century BC greek law code "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemmingway "To die in a pub is my definite plan, With my mouth to the tap just as close as I can; Then the angels would say when the singing began, Oh Lord please show mercy to this Boozy Man!" - W. Smith "He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest." - Scott Adams "If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard." - Ernest Shackleton. "But from whichever it is made, whether from oats, barley or wheat, it harms the head and the stomach, it causes bad breath and ruins the teeth, it fills the stomach with bad fumes, and as a result anyone who drinks it along with wine becomes drunk quickly; but it does have the property of facilitating urination and makes one's flesh white and smooth." - Physician Aldobrandino about beer (1256) "This is an aggressive beer. You probably won't like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory – maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it's made in a little brewery, or one that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think multi-million dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps you are mouthing your words as you read this." — Arrogant Bastard Beer PR campaign. "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Dean Vernon Wormer "I am as drunk as a lord, but then, I am one, so what does it matter ?" - Bertrand Russell (1872—1970) British philosopher "And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." — Winston Churchill, replying to Bessie Braddock MP who told him he was drunk. "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks." — Joe E. Lewis. "You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are." — Colonel Adolphus Busch. "Don't bother trying to join the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. It turns out they're apparently against all three." — Wiley. "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day." - Anonymous "There are more old drunkards than old doctors." — Benjamin Franklin (1706-90) US scientist and statesman. "Drink Beer ! It removes unsightly flab and wrinkles ! (on the person you're looking at, if you drink enough of it)" "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we shall die." — Imhotep (2667-2648BCE), egyptian architect, physician and chancelor. "The Puritans brought more beer than water on the Mayflower as they departed for the New World." -anonymous "Polysorbate80, please." -Zippy the Pinhead "Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will water or milk." "Prohibition ? HA ! They tried that in the movies and it didn't work." — Homer Simpson "I used to have a drinking problem. Now I love the stuff." -anon "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." -Dave Barry "You meet a better class of people in pubs." - Oliver Reed "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." -His reply "If apples could urinate, they would pee this beverage. Drinkers in the room dubbed it 'the Kool Aid of beers' and 'liquid homelessness.'" -Black Table Beer Run review of Olde English Malt Liquor in a Can "Work is the curse of the drinking classes." -Oscar Wilde Whiskey and Beer are a man's worst enemies... but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward! -Zeca Pagodinho "An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer." -Confucius "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -Dean Martin "Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown." -Medieval plea for pure libations "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra “Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.” -anonymous A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. - Czech Proverb "Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire." -David Rains Wallace "Avoid all triathlons that are not sponsored by a brewery. Not only does a post race beer greatly help in the recovery process, but it also helps one forget all the mistakes. Plus as an added benefit after enough beers, that big girl on the mountain bike don't seem so big anymore." -Roman Mica, Everyman Triathlon "Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!" -Homer Simpson "A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure." Czech Proverb "I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer." -Abraham Lincoln "Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink." -W.C. Fields "The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'" -Dave Barry, referring to the actor who played the Lone Ranger on radio "We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old." -Martin Luther "This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!" -Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Henny Youngman "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." -Homer Simpson "The church is near but the road is icy. The bar is far away but I will walk carefully." -Russian Proverb "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." -Winston Churchill "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." -W.C. Fields "I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion." -Miguel de Cervantes "Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure." -Ambrose Bierce "Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop." -Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944 "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." -Tom Waits "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." -Homer Simpson "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -Ernest Hemmingway "Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods." -Bruce Carlton "No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer." -John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." W.C. Fields "I would give all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety." -William Shakespeare "The man who called it 'near beer' was a bad judge of distance." -Luke McLuke "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Henny Youngman "you can't have a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline-it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER." -Frank Zappa "[I recommend]… bread, meat, vegetables and beer." -Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet "They who drink beer will think beer." -Washington Irving "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." -For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." -Winston Churchill "I'm going to buy a boat... do a little travelling, and I'm going to be drinking beer!" -John Welsh, Brooklyn bus driver who won $30 million in the New York lottery "Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working." -Harold Rudolph "Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!" Anonymous "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin "A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion." -Jim Parker, on the importance of a healthy pub culture "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." -Deep Thought, Jack Handy "The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck." -Warwick Franks >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "But if at church they would give us some ale And a pleasant fire our souls to regale We'd sing and pray All the live-long day Nor ever once from the church to stray" -William Blake "Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how the day advances I am drinking ale today." -Edgar Allan Poe >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "I do not believe you can catch me for I am super freaky" -Artie "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." -Humphrey Bogart >>>>>>>>>Un-Zippy Quotes>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy." -Benjamin Franklin "What event is more awfully important to an English colony than the erection of its first brewhouse?" -Reverend Sydney Smith "People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot." -Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI "I never met a pub I didn't like." -Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company ********************************************* "Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink." — Bumper sticker. "Drink and drive. We need the business." — Bumper sticker seen on a tow truck. "See Dick Drink... See Dick Drive... See Dick Die. DON'T BE A DICK." — Seen on a T-shirt. "Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question." "Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink ?" "Time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time." "A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts." "I was at a wedding yesterday and i was drinking at like 10am. The bartender told me 'I know a place you can meet people like yourself'. I said where ? He said 'at rehab'." — dvdman. Writing is a lonely job, unless you're a drinker, in which case you always have a friend within reach." — Emilio Estevez. "Drunk chicks think I'm hot." — Seen on a T-shirt worn by an ugly guy. "I used to drink, I did. I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing in their lights thinking I'd made it to the next club." — Bill Hicks. "I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on." — Oscar Levant. "I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking in my car driving ninety." — Richard Pryor. "An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." — Dylan Thomas. "I think hangovers are the body's way of telling us we didn't drink enough to still be drunk when we woke up the next day." — Tidewater Joe. "I had a dream last night that I drank the largest Margarita in Texas. When I woke up, there was salt on the toilet lid and rim. Sure, it sounds gross, but at least now I have an explanation for the blue tongue." — P. Salyer. "Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you just take the girl's clothes off." "Not all men who drink are poets. Some of us drink because we aren't poets." "Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors — and miss." "Legal drinking age in poland is 'I have 3 euros'." — Cheater. Right: Never drive after a good meal without a small glass of Cointreau, the world liquor. Commercial from 1935 "Intoxicated /adj./ When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it." "If, as they say, God spanked this town For being much too frisky, Why did He burn His churches down And save Hotaling's Whiskey ?" — Poem about the 1906 San Francisco earthquake and subsequent fire, in which the city's largest whiskey distillery was left unscathed. "When your conscious becomes unconscious, you are drunk. When your unconscious becomes conscious, you are stoned." . "I drink so the others become interesting." — George Jean Nathan. "I was drowning my sorrows but they learned to swim." — U2. "In college I took a class from a professor who changed my whole life. I can't really remember what his name was, or what the class was, or even which college it was, but I found that if you sit behind a really tall guy and kind of slouch down in your chair you can drink Scotch right from the bottle and not get caught." — Bill Ervin. "Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough." — Ernest Hemingway. "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." — Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." — Dean Martin. "'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." — W. C. Fields. "On some days, my head is filled with such wild and original thoughts that I can barely utter a word. On other days, the liquor store is closed." — Frank Varano. "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." — Winston Churchill. "If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." — Clement Freud. "I must point out that my rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after, and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them." — Winston Churchill, said during a lunch with the Arab leader Ibn Saud, when he heard that the king's religion forbade smoking and alcohol. "It's Faster horses, Younger women, Older whiskey and More money." — Tom T. Hall, 'The Secret of Life'. "Why does man kill ? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." — Woody Allen. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise !" — A Congressman's response about his attitude toward whiskey. "As a kid, whenever I got sick my mom would say: 'Don't worry, son. There's nothing so bad that it can't be fixed with a bottle of cheap Scotch and a couple of hookers'. Or was that the old crusty guy who hung around the schoolyard ? No matter — either way, it's terrific advice." — Bob Van Voris. "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get." — Homer Simpson. "Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W. C. Fields "Beer: Take pure spring water. The finest grains. The richest ingredients. And then run them through a horse." "With beer comes great irresponsibility." "As a recovering alcoholic, I've learned to like non-alcoholic beer, and it's also made me a better parent: Turns out the kids like it, too !" — Tristan & Marco Fabriani. "Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one !" — Homer Simpson. "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." — Homer Simpson. "Someone stole all my beer and drank it and left the empties all over my apartment ! Either that or I now know why I have a headache and no real memory of anything after 21:00." — Kris. "Uughh, this beer is terrible. It's a bad sign when the beer company isn't running any sweepstakes, yet all the lids say 'SORRY' underneath them." — deltabravo. "My beer needs an F5 button." "What they wrote in the news about beer containing female hormones must be true, because after 10 beers a man becomes as stupid as a woman." "Having sex after 20 beers is like playing pool with a rope." "I don't believe in drinking and driving, that's why when I'm doing it I want it to be over quickly." — Jason, after drinking a beer in 5 seconds flat while driving. Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain. Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies Come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today. - Edgar Allen Poe “You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.” - Adolphus Busch “Getting stoned just makes you want to eat and get fat. At least drinking too much makes you vomit which makes you thin”. Earl J. Hickey “And smoking weed kills your brain cells, not like getting drunk which only hurts the liver, and you got two of them”. Earl J. Hickey “Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.” - Don Marquis "In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer—the wealth, prestige and grandeur that went with the power." - A.J.P. Taylor, British historian, 1984 “Buy a man a beer, and he wastes an hour. Teach a man to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.” - Charles Papazian "A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure." “Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire” - David Wallace “Who does not love beer, wine, women, and song remains a fool his whole life.” - Carl Worner “Men can go wrong with wine and women. Shall we then prohibit and abolish women?” “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” - Benjamin Franklin “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.” - Ernest Hemingway "It was a natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer"- Ernest Hemingway "The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober." - Yeats “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” On label of Founder's Breakfast Stout “The human intellect owes its superiority over that of the lower animals in great measure to the stimulus which alcohol has given imagination.”-Samuel Butler “When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.” –Francois Rabelais "Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire" -David Rains Wallace " Beer is a wholesome liquor…..it abounds with nourishment" –Dr. Benjamin Rush “There is no strong beer, just weak men” - Dan Castellaneta. "I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night" –Benjamin Franklin "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." - Winston Churchill “When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.” – Dave Berry “Wow, it’s like I’ve died and went to heaven. But then they realized it wasn’t my time yet. So they sent me to a brewery. – Peter of Family Guy "Here’s to alcohol, the cause of-and solution to-all life’s problems". – Homer Simpson "I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be epended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer." — Abraham Lincoln "Beer is a wholesome liquor…..it abounds with nourishment" –Dr. Benjamin Rush "I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night" –Benjamin Franklin "You can never buy beer; you just rent it" -Archie Bunker “Beer will change the world. I don’t know how, but it will” - sign on streets of New York "The sum of the matter is, the people drink because the wish to drink." -Rudolph Brand "Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one."- Homer Simpson "The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who’s drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck." – Warwick Frank "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it" -Churchill’s reply "People who drink light beer don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot" Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI "It’s better to drink beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit."… ….Steve Taylor "Life’s too short to drink cheap beer" -Anonymous “I’m going to buy a boat… do a little traveling, and I’m going to be drinking lots of beer!” - John Welsh, a bus driver who won $30 million in New York Lottery. "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W. C. Fields "Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world" - Kaiser Wilhelm "I think this would be a good time for a beer." (upon signing the New Deal, paving the way for the repeal of Prohibition) - Franklin D. Roosevelt "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Unknown "Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them" - Queen Victoria “When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.” –Francois Rabelais The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." Richard Braunstein "Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe Lewis "I told the stewardess liquor for three." - "Who are the other two? - "Oh, there are no other two." Sean Connery (as James Bond) "Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire" -David Rains Wallace "I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer." -- Brendan Behan “I drink to make other people interesting.” – George Jean Nathan “Work is the curse of the drinking class” – Oscar Wilde The problem with some people is that when they are not drunk, they’re sober.”-William Butler Yeats. "Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway “One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.” – James Thurber “What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” W.C. Fields “Let no man thirst for good beer.” – Sam Adams In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. -Benjamin Franklin “There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.”-Benjamin Franklin “The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”- George Bernard Shaw "We could not now take time for further searche or consideration: our victuals being much spente, especially our beere." - Logbook entry on the Mayflower, December 16, 1620 "Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of good beer." "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." -Humphrey Bogart “The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV.” Homer Simpson--- "Beer , if drank with moderation, softens the tempter, cheers the spirit, and promotes good health.” – Thomas Jefferson “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” –Dave Barry “Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.”-Frederick the Great “If a life of wine, women and song becomes too much, give up singing.”-Mark Schiess “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver.” - by Jack Handy “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” - Frank Sinatra "It only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember whether it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." - George Burns "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but a the very least you need a beer."- Frank Zappa "Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini..." - Mae West “Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?” - Stephen Wright "One more drink and I'd have been under the host." - Dorothy Parker "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." - Jeff Foxworthy "I'm not so think as you drunk I am !" - John Squire "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." - Tom Waits "If love makes the world go around, then whisky makes it go around twice as fast!" - Compton Mackenzie "You're not drunk unless you can lie on the floor without holding on !" - Dean Martin “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” - W.C. Fields “Beer makes you feel as you ought to feel without beer.” Henry Lawson, Poet and writer. "Beer is a wholesome liquor…it abounds with nourishment" –Dr. Benjamin Rush "I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion" -Miguel De Cervantes "No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn." –Samuel Johnson " Beer, if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health" –Thomas Jefferson " Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand." –Fritz Maytag “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading !!!” - Henny Youngman “When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” - Brian O’Rourke “It’s not about drinking 6 or 7 or 8 beers- it’s about enjoying the one you have in your hand.”Jeff Murdock, bon vivant and local philosopher - interviewed at the BRBP summer 2005